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YOU ARE NOT TO BLAME WHY I AM NOTHING
i drown my words in burning clear liquids
conveniently placed in the bottle on my desk
a friend wants a drink, "i'm sick"
(what a constant lie!)
the teacher preaches, i toast with myself to each word
(the taste is disgusting)
i feel the burning in all my body, i go to write my name on my paper, i laugh,
"why?"
how evil i feel just to be in a room full of people better than me, smarter, wealthier; better
(looks like i can lie to myself even better)
i run away from my own thoughts with anther drink, refrain myself from any possible thoughts of home, what a miserable place; sickening really.
i drown my words in burning clear liquids, i feel a hand on my shoulder someone grabs the bottle, i don't twitch, or even feel startled, i laugh, louder this time,
"about time you guys catch me"
but when i say it, i feel sudden pain, like i made the mistake of letting the words out.
i cry.
and i can't drown them, they have my bottle. i stand up as the teacher tells me something,
whatever he must be saying it must involve going to the counselor or dean or whoever,
"Good bye!"
i yell at no one, everyone, the class stares blankly.
before the teacher can fully force me out the door to hand me to the supervisor, i tell them both,
"how long is this thing going to take? i need to see my mom before visiting hours are over"
they ignore me. i laugh, cry, but for the first time, not for her, but myself.
good thing i never wasted time to write down my name.
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